I think my vagina is haunted
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
