You were right. It hurts to walk today.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
