youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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