I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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