After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
