It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
