The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
