you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
