did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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