I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
