Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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