Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
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