I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
