in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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