Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
