i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We got so high we made milksteak
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
