I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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