worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
