Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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