Welp...herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
