Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
