remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
