4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
