hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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