I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
