I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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