just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
