Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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