I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
