I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
is wine microwaveable?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
