the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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