If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
