last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
