Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
