i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Barsexuality is the new black.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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