Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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