I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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