wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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