i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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