hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
