I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
