We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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