And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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