I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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