i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
