Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
