Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
