guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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