Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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