Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
