Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
