We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
