woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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