I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
