Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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