i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
