Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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