he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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