dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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