i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
