9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
