I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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