so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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