we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
